Homeschooling - The Social Question

When people ask me about homeschooling I usually have two very polar opposite feelings. I either feel very annoyed and frustrated or enthusiastic and excited. It all depends on why they are asking in the first place and how much time they really want to spend talking about it. Homeschooling cannot be summed up in a 5 minute conversation and nor can public schooling for that matter. My "favorite" question has go to be the "social" question. I usually find myself at a loss for words not because I don't have a response, but I simply have no idea how in the world to adequately represent my thoughts in a nicely packaged and succinct 30 second response that most people are looking for. In this world of vending machines and instant mashed potatoes we have streamlined everything to such an extreme that most of us don't even know what we mean by catch phrases like "social life" and "socialization" just like we have no idea what a bag of Gardettos is made of. Even a beginning student of linguistics can tell you that every word in the English language is laden with meaning, interpretations, assumptions, associations, positive and negative values, history, etc.. And highly politicized and monetized words like "socialization" are especially dense with such hidden meanings and agendas.

So for those of you who have (or might in the near future) cornered me in the church hallway on my way to the car with three hungry youngsters and a crying baby to ask me the "social question" out of mere passing fancy or sincere interest, here is my response. And please note that this response is my own and not that of the amazing lady down the street who home schooled her nine kids who have since all graduated from Standford summa cum laude or the crazy kids you knew from Montana who couldn't take part in a normal conversation to save their life. Homeschooling families are as diverse as public school families. Here, in brief synopsis, is my story regarding homeschooling and what I think about the "social question".

As a novice homeschooling mom (we only started about a year and a half ago) I am still learning what that means for me and my family. I don't feel like I really was the one who chose to "home school" my children. In fact, for years I was adamantly opposed to it. I wasn't opposed to it because I believed it was a poor choice for my children. I was convinced that it was a poor choice for ME! I think I foresaw the stress, chaos, heartache, disappointment, and sacrifice it would entail and easily determined it was not for me. When faced with the idea I responded with the common phrases "I just couldn't do it", "it's just not right for me", "I know my limits" and I believed it. But in time my loving and patient Heavenly Father exposed those self-deceptions for what they were and made it clear to me that He had a different plan for me and my family. At first, I wasn't too happy for the clarity or "meddling" and once my grumpy rebellion subsided I was left feeling quite overwhelmed. I wish that I could say that the last year and a half has changed that, but I still feel overwhelmed more often than not. What has changed though, is my vision and purpose. I know that I have only gained brief glimpses of the large picture for our family's educational journey but I am grateful for the growth that I have had.

When I was first contemplating the thought of educating my children at home I was relieved to know that there were programs available that could simplify things by minimizing the effort required of me. These programs plan and organize everything for you along the traditional school model and compile it all into one easy "shippable" or "down loadable" package. They are designed to transmit public schooling into the home, exchange the teacher for the parent, and transform the school desk into the kitchen table. It didn't take long for me to realize that this was the wrong choice for us.

Homeschooling for us is not about separating our kids from poor influences and gaining more time as a family, although these are great side benefits. We chose to educate our kids at home because we want to give them a better education with an entirely different objective.

When people ask me the "social question" do they realize what they are really asking? Do they really question if I am capable of meeting the social needs of my children without ready access to a group of 20-30 similarly aged children? I suppose it comes down to what socialization produces.

It appears that many parents firmly believe, whether consciously or unconsciously, that a successfully socialized 2ND grader is a child that acts like a "normal" 7 or 8 year old. Consequently, they assume that no one is better qualified to guide their child's character development to this end than their peers. Perhaps, if I felt bold enough I would start asking these inquisitive parents to list what qualities a typical 8 year old possesses that are:
1. desirable
2. not inherent
3. commonly taught by a group of equally inexperienced children in a loving, encouraging, and safe environment and cannot possibly be taught, modeled, and introduced by a mature and loving parent.

I cannot imagine that the list is very long or that it would even exist to begin with. The fact of the matter is - my goal is not to raise a "normal" 8 year old. I am raising a confident and capable adult.

What is the definition of a capable and successful adult? This is perhaps the greatest disparity between the public school model socialization and what I hope to give my children. Socialization means the process by which an individual inherits norms, customs, and ideologies. Which ones? Quite obviously, the answer is that they will believe and adopt the norms, customs, and ideologies that are taught them and familiar to them. That's why I may not be too overly concerned about my children failing to experience the same degree of socialization that a public schooled child does. "No Thanks! I'll get this one folks." I'd rather spend my time and energy teaching my child correct governing principles than trying to unteach and unentrench the incorrect principles they will glean from teachers, peers, and curriculum. I can't imagine how I would go about knowing what to combat before it was too late.

Additionally, the aim of public schooling socialization is to produce at its completion (high school graduation?) a young adult who will be a contributing member of society. What does that look like? It is a corporate individual who will make a great employee and a ready and eager consumer. It is someone who has mastered how to successfully acquire, internalize, and regurgitate information to ace a test.

Whereas my idea of a successful and capable young adult is someone who will be a contributing member of their family. It is someone who realizes that although employment and material possessions are necessary elements to sustain life they are not the culmination of life. They know that their relationships with others, most especially with their family, are of supreme import and they will live their lives accordingly. They understand that learning is not a means to an end; it is the purpose of life. They will consequently thirst for, seek out, and work their entire life to gain knowledge of application, not regurgitation, by choice not force. Their extensive study of human nature and divine nature guides them in their choices, aspirations, interactions, and self-introspection. They are confident and ready to stand up for what is right and take the lonely road, if necessary, because they know what is right and that such a thing exists. They know how to freely embrace people, not ideas, with loving acceptance. They are happy, content, and satisfied to be called nothing more than brother, sister, mother, father, and friend. This is the goal of my family's "socialization".

This is WHY HE, not ME, decided that my children should be taught in our home. I know that what I have said might make some people uncomfortable or even a bit angry, but I am not going to apologize for what I have said. I am tired of having to feel like I have to apologize for the truth because it makes someone else uncomfortable. This programmed response (I am the product of public schooling after all) has made me worry countless times that what I said was poorly written or heaven forbid even grammatically incorrect. I can almost see that angry reader who will justifiably dismiss my ideas as crazy ramblings because I don't even know the simple basics of when to use a comma instead of a semicolon. I must have misspelled the word "successful" about 5 times and I had no idea how to spell the word "regurgitate". And, yes, I am aware that "unteach" and "unentrench" are not legitimate words but they the perfect choice for what I wanted to express.

Let me repeat it again. I am not going to apologize. What I have said is TRUE for me and my children and what I have decided is RIGHT for my family. I cannot decide what is RIGHT for you - only ONE person can do that for you.

This is the perspective that I have gained over the last year and a half and I am looking forward for what I will learn in the future. My greatest task is to learn HOW to teach my children now that I know WHY I am teaching my children. Wish me luck!